Impolite Society: Exploring the Weird, Taboo & Macabre

Poop: The Deadliest Weapon?

• Impolite Society • Season 2 • Episode 9

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In the 1950s, the Canadian government forced many Inuit people into high artic settlement camps. But one man refused to go, no matter how much his children and grand children begged. The family was scared of what would happen if he refused to cooperate. In a desperate plan to force his hand, his family abandoned the man in his igloo. They took everything- all the food, the furs, and tools- in the hope that he would have no choice but to join them in their journey to the camp. All they left him with was his two dogs and the clothes on his back.

But a determined man can win any battle. The man went outside, pulled down his seal skin trousers, and defecated into his hand. And as the feces began to freeze, he shaped it into the form of a blade.

Human feces is a noxious substance, but there is more than one way you can be killed by poop. Today we’re talking shit- what it’s made of, what diseases it carries, and the wildest ways humans have used poop as a deadly weapon. That’s’ what you're in for today, on Impolite Society.

Sources:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/vdx4ad/brown-death-a-history-of-poop-as-a-weapon-111

https://www.britannica.com/science/feces

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352409X19305371





Got your own thoughts? Text them to Impolite Society!

Text Rachel and Laura or email us at rude@impolitesocietypodcast.com. Visit our website for info about the show and your hosts.

Laura:

In the 1950s, the Canadian government forced many Inuit people into high Arctic settlement camps. But one man refused to go no matter how much his children and grandchildren begged. His family was scared of what would happen if he refused to cooperate. In a desperate plan to force his hand, his family abandoned the man in his igloo. They took everything, all the food, the furs, and tools, in the hope that he would have no choice but to join them in their journey to the camp. All they left him with was his two dogs and the clothes on his back. A determined man can win any battle. The man went outside. Pulled down his seal skin trousers, and defecated into his hand. And as the feces began to freeze, He shaped it into the form of a blade. Human feces is a noxious substance, way that you can be killed by poop. Today, we're talking shit. What it's made of, what diseases it carries, and the wildest ways humans have used poop as a deadly weapon. That's what you're in for today on Impolite Society. Welcome to Impolite Society. I'm Laura,

Rachel:

I'm Rachel.

Laura:

and that's quite the fucking story at the intro, right?

Rachel:

mean, what? A thousand years, I never would have thought, make my poop into a weapon, you know?

Laura:

Well, the Inuits, they're, they're used to cold weather, uh, apparently, but this is not a story I made up. Let me finish, let me finish the story for you. This is a quote. He honed the feces into a frozen blade, which he sharpened with a spray of saliva. With the knife, he killed a dog. One of the two dogs that he had. Using its ribcage as a sled and its hide to harness the other dog, he disappeared into the wilderness.

Rachel:

But what did he prove with that? I don't know. Just go chill with your fa I mean, okay, I won't say, just go chill with your family, cause it's a tragedy.

Laura:

camp.

Rachel:

Yes, that's not okay, but also, like, killing a dog with a poop knife, that's also not great.

Laura:

It doesn't, it doesn't sit right, does it? Um,

Rachel:

dog.

Laura:

so, this tale has been told a lot. If you look up Inuit pee, No, just Inuit pee on Google. It'll bring it up. This is like, not a deep cut. Like, Google knows what you're

Rachel:

Inuit P.

Laura:

Like, the letter P. Like, you know what I mean? It's gonna auto complete.

Rachel:

thought you meant, like, the P was involved. I was like, we missed that part of the story.

Laura:

We missed the urine. Yeah, you should have used P instead of saliva. So it's been told a lot. The story has been told a lot. including a TED Talk in 2007.

Rachel:

Hey, if Ted did it, it's legit.

Laura:

And I think it's pretty safe to say that it's bullshit. I mean, just, I mean, Using its ribcage as a sled. I mean, come on, that's fucking ridiculous. That's No, but if you really want to know That it's a bullshit story. I read a study where a lab tried to replicate it Uh,

Rachel:

up. Oh my gosh.

Laura:

if you want a good laugh, I would definitely recommend that you read it because in the show notes it's It's pretty hilarious. It talks about like the diet that they put their subjects on

Rachel:

you really want to feel good about your tuition dollars and your taxpayer dollars, like, look up a study about shit and making it into a knife.

Laura:

Your colleague's shit. You take your colleague's shit and freeze it at multiple times and fashion it on a knife. Fashion it into a knife.

Rachel:

He just didn't have a knife? Anyway, sorry, that's

Laura:

They took the knives!

Rachel:

took the knife. They literally only left him with his dogs.

Laura:

And is shit. And so even if that opener, that story didn't end in death by poop, it sure is one hell of a story to kick off this number two episode. I'm sure it's, I'm sure it's the number two episode that we've done on poop. I know we've done others.

Rachel:

Yeah, we've done Why Can't I Poop on Vacation, and then we've also done How Does Your Body Know the Difference between a fart and poo, which reminded me, uh, a lot of, this reminded me of that, reading the research that I did see before recording.

Laura:

Yeah, and so maybe it's the number three episodes, but I thought it was a good

Rachel:

It's a number two in spirit.

Laura:

Number

Rachel:

Laura and I are about to take a number two all over these microphones.

Laura:

they're expensive. Please don't. And I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I chose this topic because I can't. Escape piss and shit these days. It is ever present in my life. Between a one year old that shits about five to six times a day and a preschooler who refuses to use the toilet, it's my life. And for some reason I also decided to make a podcast about it. But, here we go. There we

Rachel:

you you create what you know, right? That's what they say. You write what you know.

Laura:

You're right. You know.

Rachel:

so this is like an OG employed society, right? Like, poop, what a classic taboo. It is such a primal thing. Just kind of like that instant eww, Like, it's one of the more basic ones. Like, chimpanzees will recognize it if you train them to go potty train, right? Then all of a sudden, shit becomes a swear word. Throwback to our swearing episode.

Laura:

And even the dumbest animals don't want anything to

Rachel:

well, I don't know my dogs They're pretty dumb, but they will tolerate some shit. But for us God fearing animals out there, us rational multi brain celled concave brains, not smooth brains like my Dipshit dogs. Poo is an instant uck factor, right? Like if you look at it, you smell it, God forbid, touch it. It's just, no, no. Is a reason that don't shit where you eat is a saying.

Laura:

But poop is more than disgusting. Excrete, which is a fun word that I found, not excrement, no, no, no, no, excrete, excrete? Yeah, excrete. It can be deadly, and not just in the ways you think. So

Rachel:

thought of any poop as being deadly, but please tell me more.

Laura:

well, I mean, cause I started this research thinking that I was gonna look up some of the diseases that feces can spread, because, that's how it's deadly in the number one. Ha! But. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Rachel:

yeah, sorry, my, my mind was primed to think poop fastened into weapons, so that was, poop itself, I'm thinking, probably isn't killing a lot of people, but, you're right, the germs inside of it, fair enough.

Laura:

But then I started thinking, I'm like. What is crap made of? Like poop is poop. I think it's such a poop is made of poop

Rachel:

Yeah, it is, it's one substance, it is shit.

Laura:

And I always assumed that it was the waste products from your digestive system the stuff that you can't grind into energy that just gets shitted out, but Oh no folks, hold on to your hats, it is way, way more than that. Turns out, your brown toboggans are uniquely you.

Rachel:

Awww.

Laura:

The composition ratio varies from person to person, from meal to meal, and from day to day. Each one is like a one of a kind shitty snowflake. But in general, each poop contains about 75 percent water and 25 percent solid matter. Water is a really important ingredient. Keeps things moving through the intestines. Too little water

Rachel:

Make sure to get your eight fluid ounces. Wait, eight cups of eight fluid ounces? I don't know. I'm not a doctor. Drink water. Be regular.

Laura:

Because too little water on your log flume, that ride slows on down and too much water and not from too much drinking, but too much water in your stool due to a variety of issues and whoopsies and flowing a little bit too fast. Uh, but water is always in there in some kind of ratio. Usually that's 75, 25. And that 25 percent solid, that is where things get most interesting. So that solid matter contains a variety of things. 30 percent of those solids are undigested food. This is not just the corn kernels, the things that you can

Rachel:

was the first thing that came to my mind when I saw undigested food. I was like corn kernels, 100%.

Laura:

but it's not just that. This is the mucky muck that's left over from all the fibrous foods that you've eaten. So your gastrointestinal system is basically trash compacted, that salad and fruits and vegetables into something that's unrecognizable. It's wringing every calorie that it can from it. And what's left,

Rachel:

maybe get a few less calories out, please.

Laura:

yeah, and what's left is mostly just fiber but you will see those, those full on bits.

Rachel:

Or if it's my dog, the fiber is in fact in a recognizable form of all the trash that she has eaten. It's like paper, foil. You can see it in the yard, in little piles. Once the rain has washed the organic matter away.

Laura:

Another 30 percent of that solid matter is dead bacteria. Your gut is full of microorganisms that help your body break down food and these dead soldiers, uh, from the, the microbiome that is your body, they have to go somewhere and that somewhere is out the butt and that one really surprised me 30%, 30 percent of those solids.

Rachel:

like a large number.

Laura:

Yeah,

Rachel:

Okay, so 30 percent of what a normal person poos, like, that is a massive amount of, like, pure mass.

Laura:

so it's 30.

Rachel:

30 percent of 25%

Laura:

the 25. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So like, if you're going to

Rachel:

It's still a lot when you consider that those dead cells are invisible to the human eye.

Laura:

Yeah, totally. So those two together make up half, 60 percent of those solid manner. And I mean, if you've got a real watery stool, yeah, that's less. But anyway, let's not get into it. Anyway, so Another 10 to 20 percent of that is fat and cholesterol Unless of course you're on Ally, the diet pill that makes you shit pure oil from all the fat that

Rachel:

It says no fat, just gonna seal it. The fat's gotta go somewhere, you know? And that

Laura:

going out

Rachel:

the log flume,

Laura:

Yeah.

Rachel:

becomes a slip and slide.

Laura:

if you ever want to read some funny reviews, look up the Ally Diet

Rachel:

Our friends on the Review Pot, what is that?

Laura:

They did? They

Rachel:

I don't know, they should, ReviewParty. com podcast. If they're listening we're giving you fucking gold for free.

Laura:

Okay, the next 10 to 20 percent of that substance is made up of your body's grab bag of fun. All kinds of things that are going to get in there. First, bodily waste products. Why is poop brown?

Rachel:

You know, I never thought about that.

Laura:

I know, I didn't either until I was doing this research and it came up. Dead cells shed from the mucous membrane of your intestinal tract and pass through your bowel movement. So the lining of the GI tract, it sheds cells as part of its natural turnover process. Just like, you know, your tops of your skin,

Rachel:

Flaking off dandruff.

Laura:

hmm, yep. These cells make their way into the excrement as do bile pigments called bilirubin, uh, and dead leukocytes, which is white blood cells. The brown color of feces is due. To the action of the, the gut biome bacteria on the bilirubin, which is the end product of the breakdown of hemoglobin. so yeah, it's, it's that the, the microbes work on hemoglobin, the dead red blood cells and make bilirubin.

Rachel:

Okay, that makes sense that broken down red blood cells would be brown. When you said bile pigments, I, my first thought was like, Ooh, is my intestine tan? Do I have a tan intestine? Because literally that's the only tan I'm ever gonna get in my life.

Laura:

This is the one inside your

Rachel:

Yes, that special tan that comes out in my poops.

Laura:

And actually as I'm rereading it, I'm like, I think that might be wrong. I think I just said that wrong. But you know what? It's fine. Shit is brown. It has something to do with bilirubin and red blood cells. Let's just not think too

Rachel:

it it totally made sense to me.

Laura:

Got it. next thing, mucus. So, the digestive system makes mucus in your mucus membranes. Turns out, it's not just a clever name. that mucus protects the lining of the intestines, helps with the passage of stool, moving things along. Mucus slides along with your mud vein and out it goes.

Rachel:

mucus, guys, pro tip, can look like worms in your stool, but it could

Laura:

Oh, yeah, they get like

Rachel:

Yeah, it comes, it looks like that. It's mucus, it's not worms, probably.

Laura:

But get checked just in case. You know, I, I was thinking about this as I was, um, doing the, the research. Cause you can't help it. You know, you think back on your own poos.

Rachel:

of course, every poo that's ever,

Laura:

Go back to the diary, you know, flip through it.

Rachel:

hmm.

Laura:

And I'm like, I guess it makes sense when you're, cause when you are ill. Your stools are more mucousy and that makes sense. Like those mucous membranes are like shedding and dying cause there's something fucking dying inside of you. They're like trying to get it out.

Rachel:

no, that

Laura:

So it's, it's sloughing different layers in order to pass this shit. Get it out of here.

Rachel:

That explains so much, to be fair.

Laura:

All right. Last one is bacteria and microorganisms. So the feces, they contain bacteria and microorganisms from again, your gut biome, which some of these are beneficial. The others could be potentially harmful. And if you. have even kind of a rudimentary idea about how a human body operates. You can see why poop can be so dangerous and a disease carrier. It's just not corn kernels and mushy salad. It's dead things, dead things, Mikey, dead things,

Rachel:

i, I personally do know the power of poop. The danger of power of poop. Because in some point in my stellar education career, I did a report on Typhoid Mary. so I learned all about how Miss Mary O'Malley, I believe, or something along the lines. She wouldn't wash her hands! And so she was getting poop on her hands, getting poop in the food. She was killing everybody, leaving a trail of bodies in her wake.

Laura:

Classy broad. Classy broad.

Rachel:

They had to lock her in a cabin to get her

Laura:

I know, I saw

Rachel:

cookin food for people.

Laura:

Cause she continually escaped. They were like, this is the woman at the previous typhoid, outbreak. And that happened like three times. And then they were

Rachel:

yeah, they said, just stop being a

Laura:

if

Rachel:

I would rather fucking die. And so they locked her up, Mary Mallon, a true Irish woman, very steadfast in her belief. She was going to make that cherry dessert that was, she was known for it, but it was fucking delicious. Okay. If somebody said. This is Mary Mallon's famous cherry thing. Would you try it? One bite. Would you try it? Yeah! I'm saying like, if we transported her back from her lone cabin and we said, Modern day, Mary Mallon's here. Like, I feel like you could probably make a shit ton of money. Shit ton. Of money. Serving her fucking recipe that she was known for.

Laura:

Dude, business idea. We go to

Rachel:

Back in time.

Laura:

no, we go to like goth or like, some sort of alternative, festival and do a bakery called Typhoid Mary and then serve her cherry, whatever, I bet that would

Rachel:

Yeah, but okay, that's a little too un news. We'd have to call it Mary Mallon. Or like, Mallon's Cherry Cobbler or whatever. Well, I, I, I believe it was cherry. Let's see. Mary Mallon.

Laura:

are the kind of hard hitting questions you have answered on M. L. A. S. A. What dessert was typhoid berry known

Rachel:

Yeah, it was just like, it was one specific dessert that, that wasn't cooked. And that's why it was killing people because the cooking didn't kill the typhoid. I would try it, honestly. I would try it because we have such thing as antibiotics in the modern day. So I feel like I would, I could lose some water weight.

Laura:

So yeah, the the poop is made from A bunch of dead crap inside your body, not only all that from your gut biome, but your own dead cells that have been sloughed off the walls of your intestine, dead blood cells in all colors, mucus, not snot, ass snot. So you, if you're infected with something, you best believe your poo is also going to be infected with some way, something the same way your saliva, your snot, any bodily fluid is also infected. And even when you're not infected and perfectly healthy. What lives in your intestines was never meant to see the light of day. It is all well and good tucked away in your insides, quite literally, in the bowels of your body. But when it's introduced in places that it's not meant to be We're getting trouble. Gut bacteria that's helping you break down your food in your large intestine. That's not meant to live in your eyes. You know, it eats things. You know, they're, they're living their best life down there. When you bring them to where they aren't accustomed, they wreak havoc. They cause infection, causing diseases. And those diseases are As I know you were asking yourself, I'm not going to go through them all because I bet you can imagine that there are a ton. Here are some of the highlights From our favorite Chipotle outbreaks. We have a salmonella and E. coli that occurs constantly, uh, within fast food restaurants, anywhere that serves fresh, yeah. Fresh vegetables. They

Rachel:

Don't eat vegetables, folks.

Laura:

I know, right? It's, the vegetables have like, uh, curvature in them that it's really difficult to wash off properly. Uh, especially lettuce and like

Rachel:

is the poop coming from the workers? Or is it from the growth?

Laura:

It's from the soil. Yeah. It comes from the soil and it just never gets washed off because something happens.

Rachel:

Oh, wow. And is the, is that from like the manure or like the fertilizer that they use?

Laura:

Could be. Could be contaminated groundwater. Could be a ton of different things.

Rachel:

Wow. Vegetables, not as healthy as one would think.

Laura:

Yeah. Yeah.

Rachel:

in your book.

Laura:

Hepatitis A, that's also, uh, fecal, oral, parasites, yeah,

Rachel:

What would be so lucky? Sometimes I fantasize about a nice tapeworm, you know?

Laura:

Would be

Rachel:

Just kind of eats all the eats all your energy and just then eventually dies and you go on your merry way.

Laura:

I think they might cause some autoimmune disorders, but, you know, I'll risk it. Cholera, love in the time of cholera, cholera epidemics, we all heard about these. This is literally when you shit

Rachel:

Is that kind of like dysentery?

Laura:

oh, way worse. Way worse.

Rachel:

I don't really know what dysentery is, but Cholera is also something that people got on the organ trail?

Laura:

yes.

Rachel:

Mm

Laura:

Uh, dysentery is like, you know, it's going to be bad, but it's, like, you have a pretty good chance of making it through. Cholera is way worse.

Rachel:

Like Zika, Wasn't that also like, pooping, shitting yourself,

Laura:

The Zika virus?

Rachel:

Yeah.

Laura:

I don't remember. I just remember it affected pregnant

Rachel:

Ooh, wasn't okay, maybe it wasn't Zika.

Laura:

was the mosquito one.

Rachel:

to save

Laura:

Oh! Ebola! Ebola!

Rachel:

Yes.

Laura:

Um, yeah, that would definitely be one, as well as classic typhoid. And our old friend dysentery, as you mentioned, both amoebic and bacterial. It's got a lot of different, uh, varieties. And I, we could go through and tell tale after tale about all the times that human shite has started a plague and killed a buttload of people. But what's the fun in that? What I wanted to talk about today. Are the times we know people have used poop as a weapon, a real weapon with the intent to kill.

Rachel:

So we've known for a long time that poop is dangerous, right? That's kind of like our animal instincts of like, Ew, don't touch that. So we've harnessed it.

Laura:

some of us have

Rachel:

The power of the BM.

Laura:

the big shout out to this, cleverly titled vice article. That was kind of the source for this, uh, next part here, the Brown death that made me laugh. And, uh, again, linked in the show notes and they, they laid all this out for us. All right. The earliest one is from a group called the Scythians, and this was a nomadic warrior people who lived around the ninth century BC and four cent to the fourth century AD in Eastern Iran, they were known for using poison arrows, which isn't really unique. You know, we've heard about like different tribal cultures using that, but in addition to using snake venom to poison their targets and poison their arrows, they also dip their arrows in their human baby roofs and in a pre antibiotic world. That one little flesh wound, you know, you get it on the shoulder, it goes through the muscle. That goes gangrene or you

Rachel:

Komodo dragon approach. Yes. Oh my gosh, could you imagine riding into war against these folks? They're like, wait a minute, all these archers, they don't have quivers on their back. Where, where are they storing their arrows? It's just in their ass cracks. They're like, ff k. Just got a bunch of arrows back there. Two birds, one stone.

Laura:

and in the Middle Ages during the bubonic plague invaders would use catapults to fling plague victim shit as well as actually just their bodies over walls and infect the people inside so Humanity hadn't discovered germ theory yet And wouldn't for another 500 years, which is

Rachel:

Why so many people

Laura:

think about it. Yeah, but they did think that the gases from rotting things that they called miasma, that caused sickness.

Rachel:

not just a song by the band Ghost. It is also, apparently, gases from running things. I just learned that. I knew, I knew Miasma, but I did not, from the song. I did not know it as what it

Laura:

I always said miasma, so it's miasma?

Rachel:

don't know. I read it on Reddit. What the fuck do I know? I'm an idiot.

Laura:

So, they didn't know what was causing the sickness, but they knew that stinky was bad. So they kind of got it half right. You know what I mean? They're like, this stinks. This is the stink that's making me sick. No, it's the

Rachel:

That's why they had the beaks full of

Laura:

Yep. Mm hmm. Try to keep it out of their nose, precisely. Uh, so, I mean, I was like, I, I give them a bit of credit. You know what I mean? They didn't know what germs were, but they knew the byproduct was bad,

Rachel:

Well, I mean, think about all the things that we're like, Oh, we know this is bad for us, but we don't know quite why? Like, you know, social media and all these things. And, you know, a couple hundred, give us 500 years, we'll be like, Oh, those idiots living in 2024 they had no idea they were just like, oh, maybe this makes my brain sad But you know, there was all these X Y Z reasons But I actually isn't that one of the ways that the black plague got into Europe was like some kind of on Set is like as a war thing or maybe it was a port. I don't quite remember. There was a podcast that I formally listened to, but then one of the main hosts turned out to be, um, an abuser. So I'm not going to name drop them. Um, but they did a multi part series on the Black Plague and they talked about how like one of the first cities in Europe and how it got started there. And I want to think that there was some weaponized,

Laura:

yeah, I mean that sounds like that's 100 percent what this was related to. But even more than that, the Chinese were also doing this, but they, they took it a step further. It kind of in the same time period, they thought, you know, this is great. Good idea. I like where you're going. I have notes. This is missing something. What does this tactic need? Gunpowder. So,

Rachel:

Exploding bodies! Exploding shit!

Laura:

Exploding shit! So they created trebuchet bombs of human shit that was lobbed at enemies over walls So it would explode when it hit

Rachel:

And just splatter shit, so it's like, even if you saw a pile of shit and you said, no, no, no, I don't wanna go near it, it's just like, it's like splattering your face, it's getting in your eyes, in your vulnerable parts.

Laura:

Yeah.

Rachel:

like, fuckin ingenious.

Laura:

Truly, the human humans are amazing.

Rachel:

I just thank God for the Geneva Convention that put the kibosh on this, right? Like

Laura:

On exploding

Rachel:

Yeah, um, what is it? Medical? Not med yeah. Biological warfare. Thank God they put the end to that.

Laura:

Yeah, uh huh. They'll never

Rachel:

COVID

Laura:

Who's,

Rachel:

I'm just trying to bait Laura on that one.

Laura:

who's talking now? I'm going to talk about your fucking don't tread on me.

Rachel:

just

Laura:

Your tramp stamp.

Rachel:

Laura indoctrinating me into the ways, the ways of QAnon through her

Laura:

Oh, Jesus. Yeah, through my mouth. Should hear those conversations. They're heartbreaking. Okay. Next up, Pungie Pits. Do you know what this is, Rachel?

Rachel:

yes, I know Pungie Pits. I've known them since I was a child. No, I don't know what a Pungie Pit is, Laura. I was We're guessing it's related to weaponized shit, which is not something I know a lot about.

Laura:

As I was writing this, I was like, oh, Pungi, I know what Pungi, Pungi Pits are, and I don't know how I know this. I, I think it's just because I've seen the movies, and like, Austin is, you know, a man's man who watches war movies, because it does show up, because you've seen

Rachel:

a Pit full of shit.

Laura:

it's a pit in the earth, and they've got sharp sticks sticking up. And, you know, they, there's like the medieval version, you know, that's got like metal spikes, and then there's the, the Vietnam version, which was sharpened bamboo. And then you conceal the top, or you put in a trap door, and then somebody falls in. And they're shish kebabs on the Steaks, or shit kebabs in this case,

Rachel:

smeared shit on top of the spikes

Laura:

precisely.

Rachel:

cuz they're like not only is being Speared to death. Oh, no, no. No, we're gonna add insult to injury and give you Infections on top of it in case the spiking doesn't instantly kill you the disease will Humans.

Laura:

So, genius. The, uh, the article that I read said that Pungy pits didn't usually kill people, and I'm like, well, first of all, if you fall in a fucking sharp ass Stick, right, it's gonna kill you. And we had antibiotics in Vietnam, but in a field hospital? You know what I mean? That could easily go wrong. I think it had to kill at least a few people, so that's, that's my

Rachel:

Yeah, no kidding.

Laura:

Next up, prisons. So prisoners, they don't have any real weapons, at least not ones that they don't have to make themselves. So why not one more that they have to make themselves? And so, yeah, they throw it at people, uh,

Rachel:

like monkeys.

Laura:

Yeah, generally. And they have various delivery systems, they'll put them in milk cartons, and then like, yeah, stick like a small hole, a real small hole at the bottom, and then the pressure like shoots it, so it, like

Rachel:

They'll like

Laura:

It's like a super

Rachel:

Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. This is, yeah. Wow.

Laura:

And so that doesn't kill people, especially in like a modern prison system, but it gives them a real good reason to brave that shower room. I'll tell you

Rachel:

Yeah, no kidding. Oof. It's almost like you shouldn't put people in a situation where they have nothing to do but devise ways to spray shit on other people.

Laura:

And then we have a very specific kind of Munchausen by proxy. Are you familiar with Munchausen?

Rachel:

Yeah, that is when, Munchausen itself is when I'm going to be sick for attention, but Munchausen by proxy is when I'm going to make somebody else sick so that I can get attention vis a vis like a lot of moms and children type situation where it's like I'm going to make my kid sick so that I can get a lot of, oh, I'm so sorry, oh my God, you're so strong, da da da da.

Laura:

it's, it's not really, in these situations, they didn't really call it Munchaizen by proxy, but I'm like, reading through it, and I'm like, that's a lot like what it sounds like to me, because I read not one, not two, five separate cases of someone poisoning another person with poop via their IV. Yes. Specifically through the IV. So how many other people in the world are Sneaking poop into people's food, you know what I mean? To try to make them sick, but this is directly in medical scenarios into their IV. In 2014, a 65 year old nurse. Was charged with first degree attempted murder when she injected her husband's IV With human feces. No word on if this was her shit, his

Rachel:

That's probably

Laura:

Hers,

Rachel:

Well, if he's in the hospital, probably his, right? I don't know.

Laura:

Who knows? Who knows? Could be a third party. Could be, you know, Joe Schmoe

Rachel:

Got it off the dark web.

Laura:

And, uh, so she was caught because one of her husband's nurses, he was in the, the hospital for like a cardiac something, uh, I think like a cardiac surgery, like a bypass or something, and they saw her, they saw her fucking doing it. She was arrested, she was charged, and her husband, ever the gentleman, he stood by her, he said it's completely out of character for her, that she loves him, and it was just a mental breakdown. Um,

Rachel:

That's a rarity. That's more rare than weaponized poop, honestly.

Laura:

Yeah. Sweet. I mean,

Rachel:

okay, putting that, okay, here's the thing. Inject it. Is, how are they, like, they're getting a syringe and they're just putting straight shit? Are they, like, putting it in a spinner and making it look white?

Laura:

Straight shit.

Rachel:

But wouldn't they notice the brown?

Laura:

Yes. Which is how they get caught because they notice there's residue in the

Rachel:

Oh, Jesus Christ. That somehow makes it worse.

Laura:

They're like trying to squeeze it down the IV tube, like, get it out

Rachel:

At that point, wouldn't it have just been easier to just, like, okay, is your husband conscious? Just, like, lift their eyelid and then, like, rub it underneath it.

Laura:

it's got to get in the bloodstream, I guess. I don't, uh, I don't

Rachel:

I don't know. I thought if you eat it, it's good enough.

Laura:

So this woman, she was sentenced to four years probation. And weekends in jail for one year.

Rachel:

It's like a little spa retreat for the weekend. You know, I have a one year old. Sometimes a weekend in jail doesn't sound that bad. Lights out at seven? Okay, I'll sleep.

Laura:

I I didn't know that weekends only was an option when it comes to

Rachel:

It's like weekends the time to buy discount furniture and the time to be in jail. Weekends only.

Laura:

to keep in your back pocket for

Rachel:

Yeah, whenever I go, whenever I get arrested, I'll be like, Can I just get the weekends only plan? Trust!

Laura:

your crime, if no one died and your husband comes to your defense at your trial, maybe you could end up with weekends only jail. All right, uh, another one in 2016, a woman in Indiana injected her 15 year old son's IV with his feces. This poor kid had leukemia. He kept getting blood infections. They could not figure out why. They had to stop his leukemia treatments for two months and while they were trying to figure out. And then a security camera caught his mom injecting something into his IV bag. They questioned her and then she admitted it. She said that she did it so she could get him moved to another floor of the hospital that had better care. And I mean, makes sense,

Rachel:

So she was getting him sicker to get to a better floor?

Laura:

That's what she said. I mean, obviously, she's fucking unstable as shit. So, she got seven years in prison, five years probation, and uh, good.

Rachel:

I mean, I feel like there's something else going on there that maybe she needs some more like, care as opposed to being locked up somewhere

Laura:

You know, that's a, that's a whole nother episode, but, yeah, yeah, I mean, just, I mean, you deserve something for that, right? I mean, it's,

Rachel:

I

Laura:

people are complicated,

Rachel:

I mean, there's not saying like, oh, that's this person have unrestricted access to her 15 year old leukemia patient son's IV bag. But at the same time, she's probably been dealing with this shit for 15 years. That's a long time. That's a long time to be dealing.

Laura:

job?

Rachel:

Well, just like working, like you're in the hospital, right? Dealing with hospitals, dealing with our

Laura:

you're saying like, if he was, had leukemia the whole time, oh

Rachel:

Isn't leukemia a congenital disease? I don't know, like, isn't it something that you always have? I, again,

Laura:

so.

Rachel:

a doctor. It's a blood

Laura:

know it shows up in kids, but it's, I don't think it's necessarily, like, since you were born, like, it doesn't have to be such a long

Rachel:

Let's just say, having your kid in a life or death situation in a hospital is very stressful. People are not sound. Who knows, people

Laura:

Yeah, yeah, that's

Rachel:

You know, put her in an Inuit hut and she might have been turning her shit into a knife and then we'd be celebrating her for Generations.

Laura:

We'd be singing her praises on fucking TED Talks!

Rachel:

well, she'd be killing dogs and dismembering them.

Laura:

I

Rachel:

to. I'm like, but it's hard for her!

Laura:

read three other cases like this and the bummer index tipped up way too high, so I bailed. These were really young kids. so. Just, no, it happens. Shit injected into medical IVs happen. People are fucking crazy.

Rachel:

You give people an opportunity, they'll show you how nuts they can be.

Laura:

Yeah. Sometimes you feel like a nut.

Rachel:

At least you're not putting poop into people's IV, I guess. of the story.

Laura:

you don't. It's the almond joy in mounds. Nah, I'm old.

Rachel:

I do love

Laura:

Halloween candy that's upstairs. Oh, naughty!

Rachel:

like the ones with the coconuts. Mmm.

Laura:

So, this leads me to a very, very important, very rude question. If you were gonna kill someone with your shit, Rachel, how would you do it?

Rachel:

How would I kill someone with my shit?

Laura:

Okay, while you're thinking about it, I'm gonna

Rachel:

Okay, yep. I don't know what to say. You start. Give me some ideas.

Laura:

I am going to go the icicle poop knife route. you know, that article says that it wasn't possible, that they've tried it. I feel like if you figure it out, it's kind of going to be the perfect crime, right? It's like that icicle knife

Rachel:

It'll melt, and then they'll be like, There's no knife here, just a pile of shit.

Laura:

the perfect crime. The body is going to go to the medical examiner. And they're going to be like, I don't know, this is not shaped like any tool I've ever seen. But it does have a suspicious amount of feces inside the wound.

Rachel:

And there just happens to be a pile of shit right here, full of DNA evidence. Wow!

Laura:

You know, I was thinking about that. I was Does poop have DNA in it? I mean, if it has Yeah, if it

Rachel:

The schleffing of your gut biome.

Laura:

Exactly, of your mucous membranes and shit. It probably does, but I think I've looked this up before and it's not easy. It's not impossible, but it's not easy

Rachel:

Yeah, but then you get fucking, subpoenaed or whatever for your gut biome. And then they stick a, I don't know, Q tip up your ass. I don't know how people get gut biomes, but they could probably match it because all of our gut biomes are very unique.

Laura:

They are, but I don't think we're good enough at, like, sampling them. You know what I mean? Or like, identifying them. I know that they're Individual. Uh, All biological evidence found at crime scenes can be subject to DNA testing. Samples such as feces and vomit can be tested, but may not be routinely accepted by laboratories. So, in other words, loophole.

Rachel:

just shit all over your victim, cover up any hair or spit or skin by just shitting, shitting all over it.

Laura:

And what about urine? Yeah,

Rachel:

You're in sterile.

Laura:

I've looked this up before. Urine contains some DNA, but not nearly as much as blood or saliva. In addition, DNA degrades faster and you're making it difficult to extract and produce reliable test results.

Rachel:

Wow.

Laura:

So, that's your perfect crime. If you can crack that Inuit mystery,

Rachel:

I think P is probably the better one. I think P is probably if it's, if it breaks down faster and it like melts. So you just have to form a P knife,

Laura:

A piss knife.

Rachel:

which is not the topic of the episode, but

Laura:

yeah, but, I mean, still, it's pretty good. I mean, if you can kill somebody with an icicle, you can definitely kill somebody with a, with a piss knife.

Rachel:

for sure. I mean, that's 101 murder, right? I'm surprised Agatha Christie doesn't have a book about it.

Laura:

I think she probably does. It was in the drafts.

Rachel:

Agatha Christie has a piss nice b b book?

Laura:

Yeah,

Rachel:

Oh, in her drafts. Well, okay, so if she also ha she also If she had that in the draft, she also has MY stellar murder plan for poop. And that would be to convince someone that their only sustenance in life would be poop. And THEN Then I would take them in and then never poop because I'm a lady and ladies never poop and then they would starve to death.

Laura:

So it's like a human centipede

Rachel:

Yeah, they'll be like, oh there's nothing there's nothing for me to eat and then they'll starve because I don't poop on the record. No poop. Just kidding. Everybody poops. Really if I was gonna do it, I'd probably time travel back to like 1800s and become a cook and then just not wash my hands and say, I'd rather be locked up forever than quit my profession of making cherries and ice cream.

Laura:

cherries. Glossier. Click cherries. G uh, G-L-A-C-E. Is, is that what it

Rachel:

Probably. I don't know. It was

Laura:

you said cherries and ice cream? That's gotta be it. Yeah.

Rachel:

that was it. And that's how she'd kill families, whole families. So that's my plan. Lord be stabbing people. I would. I just killed innocents.

Laura:

Alright. That is all we've got for you today. A fun, light hearted, short episode about poop and the people who use it to kill.

Rachel:

So the next time you go to the bathroom think, hmm, should I flush this down or Should I take over the world with this?

Laura:

Just see opportunity. Where other people see shit, you see opportunity, dear

Rachel:

I don't see anything cuz I bought a house that had a black toilet in it So honestly, I don't see anything anymore.

Laura:

I have a white toilet, and I have to clean it all the time. It's awful. I see the evidence of my leanings

Rachel:

yeah. Well, you know the song that's black socks They never get dirty That applies to toilets as well. Black toilets. They never get dirty. The longer you use them, the cleaner they get. And I think that is a great parting thought.

Laura:

Perfect button on the episode. Alright, well, follow us on the socials, give us a

Rachel:

Make sure to rate and review. I've listened to podcasts. I now remember that that is what you're supposed to say at the end. And Be sure to tell a friend. If you're a curious, science minded person, you know other people who are like you, so be sure to recommend us. And, I think the most important thing, most important. Never, ever forget is stay curious and don't forget to keep marching to the beat of your own drum.

Laura:

Or farting to the beat of your own

Rachel:

I mean I can't fart on beat, but that's aspirational.

Laura:

Pulled down his seal skin trousers, and defecated into his hand. And as It's so fucking stupid! I'm sorry.