Impolite Society: Exploring the Weird, Taboo & Macabre

The Wild World of Groupies

• Impolite Society • Season 2 • Episode 5

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Today we're talking about the infamous groupie lifestyle and how you might be able to bed a rock star yourself. 

We explore the stories of iconic figures of the groupie heyday from Sable Star to Sweet Connie to get an eye-opening view of groupie-dom.  We're talking about the golden days of rock and roll in the '70s to the evolution of groupies in the digital age and uncover how fandom and lust cross paths in this scandalous subculture.

That's what you're in for today on Impolite Society. 

Got your own thoughts? Text them to Impolite Society!

Text Rachel and Laura or email us at rude@impolitesocietypodcast.com. Visit our website for info about the show and your hosts.

On a sticky summer day, I stood in a packed audience, eagerly awaiting a main stage performer at the 2010 Warped Tour. When the band came out, the lead singer had this woman with him. He told the story of how she'd been a fan since the very beginning, and it was at one of their very first shows. Even as she stood on stage, I wondered how she got there. Did he just recognize her in the audience? Did she write him an email beforehand? But I didn't dwell on it too much and just thought it was a nice gesture for an old fan. But later in the day, that all shifted. We just happened to be standing by the entrance to the event at the right time when I saw this particular lead singer walking out with this woman, his skinny little rock star arm draped around her shoulders. And that's when it all came together. They were leaving to have sex. And that's when all the questions began to spin again. I of course knew people slept with famous musicians, but that happened to gorgeous gals in California, not us Midwest corn fed girls. If she could do it, could I? Today we're going to be talking about the infamous groupie lifestyle and how you might be able to bet a rock star yourself. That's what you're in for today on Impolite Society.

Rachel:

Welcome to In Polite Society, the podcast that fearlessly tackles the topics you can't talk about with other parents at the playground. I'm Rachel.

Laura:

And I'm Lara.

Rachel:

we have a great topic today, obviously inspired by a story that stuck with me all of these years, and I think over a decade since I originally witnessed such a thing.

Laura:

So, I have a lot of questions based on that

Rachel:

Right, Belisso?

Laura:

what band was

Rachel:

Okay, let's see if you can guess. They were really big in the late aughts. Their famous song, their most favorite song, was on the radio a ton. It rhymes with sh Shmurong? Is that, is that a good clue? What if I sing it and then you try to guess it?

Laura:

Yeah.

Rachel:

Another day when he lost herself in thinking Of the suited

Laura:

Cab for Cutie? No. Who is that? I know the

Rachel:

then the other did,

Laura:

They're really whiny. College

Rachel:

keep you my dirty little secret. And, uh, what's the other one they

Laura:

Yeah. I don't know the name of the, okay. What's the name of the band?

Rachel:

Uh, they are called the All American Rejects.

Laura:

Ah, I would've never guessed that. And how old are these guys?

Rachel:

You know, that's a good question. I have no idea. They seemed young at the time, but maybe that's just because they were rock stars.

Laura:

All right. And then so you were, this was like early two thousands, so you were what, early

Rachel:

my last, yeah, last year of high school.

Laura:

Yeah.

Rachel:

was the summer before my last year of high school at the Warped Tour.

Laura:

And how old was this woman? Was she

Rachel:

She, oh my god, I almost like blurted out no because she was not to me is my 17 year old shallow self. She was a Okay, I don't wanna say middle aged because she was probably like late 20s, maybe 30 But I can't remember where I got this impression. She obviously was at the Seattle show they talked about her being at a Seattle show 10 years ago or whatever when they were just starting out and then they I somehow it came up that she might have had a husband and a child and I think that that's why I was so Scandalized when I saw her leave with him But at the same time, that might have all just been me extrapolating because she was, I was 17 and she seemed like a grown adult and she seemed like

Laura:

And so of course she

Rachel:

super old, yeah. And she was definitely a little bit thicker. When I say corn fed, girl was corn fed. Um,

Laura:

thick? Are we talking like me thick or

Rachel:

my

Laura:

thicker?

Rachel:

again, I was 17, so I had a very skewed Perception of reality, yeah, at the Warped Tour. I would say,

Laura:

Warped body image at the

Rachel:

would say, okay, what's, what's, what size are we? Like, I'm trying to give it a size, like maybe like 10, 12?

Laura:

Okay, so

Rachel:

Yeah, but in reality she was probably like a 6. Ha, who knows? I was wearing Junior's clothes, I had no idea.

Laura:

The sizing is all

Rachel:

was doing a solid juniors 18. I don't know.

Laura:

That's so true. Cause a junior is 18, like, is like a adult, a grown woman, 10. You're 100%

Rachel:

Yes, but she was, I, okay, let's just say if I had seen her walking on the street, she would not have turned my head, so to speak. And that's where it kind of dawned on me that us normies can be out here having sex with famous people. And I. grade A normie, am going to a concert this summer, and I started to wonder, like, could I pull off something similar? How does one do such a thing? How can I, Rachel, of impolite society, become a groupie? And that is what I set out to discover today.

Laura:

I have a theory that it mostly involves dick sucking.

Rachel:

And you would not be so far from the truth. But, we have a long and wonderful journey to get to. To that dick sucking. So, I think we actually have a hint of what your answer to this question would be, just based on that. But what do you think of when you think of a groupie?

Laura:

I think of dick sucking. I think of people with a lot of tattoos, laying around, doing a lot of drugs, drinking, just loose morals. A woman of loose morals.

Rachel:

Yeah, no, I mean that is pretty much sums it up. In short, a groupie is considered a woman who sleeps with rock stars. Their bandmates, the roadies, security, and, you know, other fans for the entertainment of said rock stars.

Laura:

yeah, anybody, like, that would,

Rachel:

Get them closer.

Laura:

exactly.

Rachel:

But, if you ask a groupie, they're gonna say that being a groupie is much more than that. But at their roots, groupies were born in a time brimming with youth culture, idealism, and the possibility of creating change through protest, feminism, and sexual liberation, baby!

Laura:

The sixties.

Rachel:

Truly, the revolution was a response to socio political changes like post war gender roles, new forms of birth control. In the growing momentum of the civil rights movement,

Laura:

Yeah. Get that birth control. Get in there, girl. Get

Rachel:

free love

Laura:

and

Rachel:

and stuff. At their core, groupies are fans of mostly young women, funny how that works, who appreciate the art so much that they want to be around the people who make it. They go beyond just sleeping with the artist. They are companions on long, lonely tours. They are band aids, to quote the movie Almost Famous. And, most importantly, They are muses.

Laura:

Hmm. Okay. Well, we'll circle back to that muses thing. Band aids like to like a bad day. That's what, like what they are. They're band aids for the band. Oh, band aid. Wait, you got to explain that

Rachel:

I don't know, I never watched that movie. Who are you talking to?

Laura:

Was it like, I am an aid to the band, or I am the band aid for you who had a bad

Rachel:

I think

Laura:

I will just suck your dick and you

Rachel:

I think it's a band aid to like a broken heart or like a sad heart. And artists are always troubled. But when you ask a groupie, you are of course going to get a lot more romantic view of what they are. So, if I wanted to get to the bottom of what it means to be a groupie and how to become one myself, I figured there was no better place to start than with the women who created the concept. The women who inspired songs and created their own lore. So, we are going to look at some of history's top groupies and what me, an inspiring inspiring, I will be an inspiring groupie, but right now I'm just an aspiring groupie, can learn from them.

Laura:

I'm imagining them. In marble, like in a pantheon, like all the groupies, immortalized forever, like on their own pedestal.

Rachel:

I love it. And then there's like The muses from Hercules who come around and sing to me the story of each of them.

Laura:

Yes.

Rachel:

Zero to hero with suckin dicks, zero to hero, just like

Laura:

Sucky and dicks.

Rachel:

I like it. And if, if we were going to walk around that proverbial panthenon of famous groupies, first up would be the OG, Sable Star. Girl knew what she wanted and wasted no time. She began her groupie career while still in high school. Balancing her studies. Oh, it gets so so much worse, Laura.

Laura:

Ugh.

Rachel:

Balancing her studies by day and. Prowling Sunset Strip for Famous Musicians at Night. In 1973, she explained to Star Magazine that being a groupie was an ego boost. It allowed her to brag about her encounters with rock stars like David Bowie, Rod Stewart, Alice Cooper, Mick Jagger, and some more names that I don't know to all of her friends. No, I got like, I got like 50% of those names. I know who they are. But how did she accomplish this feat, right? How did she achieve these notches in her belt? Well, she put it all out there. Sexy outfits, big hair, and very forward with sex acts. She,

Laura:

Dick sucking.

Rachel:

well, takes one to know one. I don't know where I was going with that quip. But Sable got her start at the tender age of 12. And has ran away from home in her teens. So, girl lived large. She knew what she wanted. She was out there for herself. So, the lesson here from Sable is to be bold, be aggressive, and go for what you want.

Laura:

Thoughts. Sable Star. Do we know if, is that her real name? It can't be, right? That's a porn star name. Yeah.

Rachel:

no way. No way.

Laura:

And second thought. I had a second thought.

Rachel:

It's okay. Having more than one thought is hard. So that's a solid lesson we got from Sable. but then again, I am not some young, ripe, pre teen, so I might need another tactic.

Laura:

It was a. Different world out there in the 70s, though, seriously, if you listen to stories about the time, I mean, people were getting with 15 year olds all the time. Like, it was normal. I feel like it was around the 80s or 90s when it started to be like, maybe we shouldn't be having sex with 15 year olds. So, I mean, it is very like, uh, I don't know. knee jerk reaction right now, and a rightful one given the our current climate, but I feel like back in the day, like, that was not unusual.

Rachel:

Well they weren't being very like private about it. But they were, it was very front and center,

Laura:

yeah, and nobody was ashamed of it. It wasn't like a, like, you're gonna get called out for it and everyone's gonna find out and be like, Eugh! No, nobody cared. It was like, no, it's fine, they're fifteen, the grass is on the field, you can play, or whatever that stupid saying is.

Rachel:

Luckily, the world has changed a little since then, but if we're going to go back to the world, that world, we're going back to the world of sweet Connie Hamsey. She overcame many obstacles in her life, like Living in Arkansas, and being post pubescent, she overcame these to become one of the most famous groupies. And let's just say, homegirl was in it, heart and soul. She worked her way from the ground up, gaining access to major rock stars through the dicks of their crew and band.

Laura:

Do we know how old she was?

Rachel:

She was definitely older than 12, but I would say she was in that 15, 16 year old range.

Laura:

Ugh. Hahaha.

Rachel:

yeah, so make of that what you will. But our girl Connie, sweet Connie, on the Joan Rivers show, she admitted her record was 24 men in one night, but her average was around 15.

Laura:

Jesus Christ.

Rachel:

And I think there is a very clear lesson here to learn from sweet, sweet Connie. And that is summarized best by the words of the Spice Girls, If you want to be my lover, you gots to get with my friends. The more, the merrier. That's the lesson there. Um, so basically, if I want to be a groupie, I better start my jaw stretches now.

Laura:

Jesus. That is just, I, I mean, I, I know that I'm sexually repressed compared to some people. Like that, that, that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

Rachel:

We have a taboo podcast. You can't be that repressed.

Laura:

I know, but like 24 men in one night. That is, I mean, she's got, she's gotta be, she's gotta be doing more than one at a time, right?

Rachel:

Uh, no, I think it's just like BJ, she's just running her train, you know, doing her thing.

Laura:

Yeah, but that's what I mean, more than one at one time, like, you know, it's gotta be like a group scenario. It doesn't have to be like 24 all at once, but like, you know, you're in a room, you're sucking this one, and that one's watching, and then you turn around,

Rachel:

yeah, probably something like

Laura:

yeah, yeah, yeah,

Rachel:

what is it? Five minutes, maybe, tops? So you could really crank through some,

Laura:

Hmm. Crank.

Rachel:

through some cranks in an hour, you know?

Laura:

Poor, poor, sweet Connie. Hamsy. Can

Rachel:

she lived in Arkansas and she was, people wrote songs about her, she never left Arkansas. These, most of these people, these young, sexy groupies were in L. A., but she was that famous. Living in Little Rock her whole life.

Laura:

They came to visit

Rachel:

Oh, yeah, when you were in Little Rock, that was the girl you, you went and saw. And, like, she was in songs. She had songs written about her.

Laura:

I'm gonna I'm gonna Do you know what any of those songs were? Now I'm curious if they're like any

Rachel:

Oh, well, no, that says something about Sweet, whatever her name was.

Laura:

Ha ha ha! Sweet whatever her

Rachel:

Sweet Connie, like, it mentioned it in a song. I think,

Laura:

song, not a hit

Rachel:

I think it was something about, I had sex with her when she was 15. No, literally, I'm pretty sure it was something along that

Laura:

ha ha ha ha Well, if that's your claim to fame, Connie Hansey!

Rachel:

she's still around, I think, um, writing books, and...

Laura:

Are these women hot? Or either Sweet Connie or, uh, Miss Star? They're

Rachel:

Yeah, I mean, it was the 70s and they were on cocaine, so they have killer bodies. Killer. And they were 16. I mean,

Laura:

Yeah, fair, fair. But like, were they pretty in the face?

Rachel:

Yeah, I mean, what 16 year old isn't? You know, they got that glow of youth.

Laura:

That's

Rachel:

They got that hope for the future.

Laura:

question.

Rachel:

Yeah. So, so far these are good lessons, but they're not, I'm not so sure they're things that I can apply cause you know, when it comes to sweet, sweet Connie strategy, let's face it. I don't think I have that kind of stamina or iron stomach.

Laura:

So much

Rachel:

I like that you really spelled it out for the audience.

Laura:

Yep, just no questions. No stone

Rachel:

subtlety. So, what is a girl to do when she's competing with hot, fresh children half her age?

Laura:

What are you gonna do to sexually compete with children? What are What am I

Rachel:

What are modern women to do? Well, here's the answer. To compete in a busy market, you need to stand out, and that's the final lesson that comes from Cynthia Alberton. Cindy described herself as a shy, fledgling, virginal, goofy girl that wanted to get laid by cute British boys with long hair and tight pants. And I say, fair enough, Cindy.

Laura:

Yeah, I feel like me and Cindy can get down and it sounds like a real name. Al Albritton.

Rachel:

yeah, she's truly a girl after my own heart. Um, you just gotta swap out British British for Scandinavian. Lulz.

Laura:

'cause why you wanna be

Rachel:

No, the band that I like is

Laura:

Oh,

Rachel:

Swedish.

Laura:

ooh. I, well, I know who it is. I don't know why we're

Rachel:

because I only like one band, essentially. So how did our awkward wallflower find a way Backstage and into her British boys pants? Inspiration soon struck while Cindy was in her college art class. the young rock fan decided she would meet musicians by offering to make molds of their erect penises.

Laura:

feel like I've heard of

Rachel:

Yes, so our sweet little Cindy earned her name Cindy the Plastercaster and her spot in a groupie hall of fame. The lesson here? Get a gimmick.

Laura:

Got get gimmick. Get yourself a gimmick if you wanna get ahead.

Rachel:

Get some head. Is it from... Cabaret? Oh. Ha ha ha. I was like, it's one or the other.

Laura:

we're going to add that to our

Rachel:

Next carrier.

Laura:

a gimmick, Gypsy. It's true, man. If you can't compete with these crazy dick suckers that are,

Rachel:

Let me just slap some papier mâché on your cock, please. On your throbbing member. I just wanna cover it with some papier mâché.

Laura:

it. And then I'm going to suck it when we're done.

Rachel:

No, she did actually get laid. It worked the first time she tried it, and while she didn't quite get her cast, she did get cast in the role of bedfellow that evening, so.

Laura:

Ah,

Rachel:

Good for her. So, I will be right back, because I'm gonna go think of a way I can cleverly charm my way into some rockstar's pants. Uh, bonus points if it also involves them being hard and horny in the moment, right? I mean, like, she really set the stage.

Laura:

Let's brainstorm for a moment. How can we gimmick it?

Rachel:

Uh, free prostate exams. Oh,

Laura:

Ooh, okay. I like that. I got that. It's kind of unique. I feel like rock stars now are pretty little bit more open minded, you know, to getting things at the bu I mean, they probably were back then.

Rachel:

for sure. Yeah, okay, okay, that was, that was the low hanging fruit.

Laura:

Um, something with toes. I feel like that isn't also a low hanging fruit.

Rachel:

I have really ugly feet, so that doesn't work.

Laura:

No, no, no, their toes. We do something with their toes.

Rachel:

Cut them off.

Laura:

Pull them off! It's an S& M thing! We have, we, okay, that's what it is. We have a gallery. We, we tell all these rock stars, we have a gallery of all of the greatest rock toenails that we've ripped out during intercourse and would you like to participate?

Rachel:

I don't think that that would work.

Laura:

No? No?

Rachel:

Ok, what about an art, an art project, we capture famous people's O Faces.

Laura:

I feel like that's not unique enough. Photocopying

Rachel:

Sorry! I thought that that was... That was gonna be good. Um,

Laura:

You know, sit on the glass.

Rachel:

yeah, but who has a photocopier these days?

Laura:

That's also why it's a gimmick! Cause it's a novelty!

Rachel:

yes, we are scientists trying to test the speed at which ejaculation comes from a penis. And so

Laura:

Oh, I like

Rachel:

we need to clock their cum.

Laura:

But we only need really nerdy bands that participate in that who are

Rachel:

What, like, There Might Be Giants? Is that who you're thinking of?

Laura:

Yeah!

Rachel:

We're gonna reach out to There Might Be Giants and be like, Can you come onto my speed clock? Or, I

Laura:

Put a little bee in your bonnet!

Rachel:

ha

Laura:

Make a little birdhouse in your soul! I

Rachel:

Dear God. Dear God. Okay, let's leave. They might be giants alone. Because like you said, let's face it, the world of those gals was, is, long gone. For the better, in some statutory cases. Uh, but would these tactics work in this day and age? They seem to be a little outdated. Do groupies... Even exist anymore. Do groupies... Even exist anymore.

Laura:

They have to. Rock stars like to get fucked. Women like to fuck rock stars. And like, I mean, everyone wants to fuck somebody famous.

Rachel:

Yeah, but did they like the fucking or did they like what fucking brought them? Because one of the primo benefits of being a groupie was access. They got to see what was happening behind the scenes with these rock bands. Get to know who the artists were. Which by my calculations was about 25% talent, 30% hard liquor, 15% cocaine, 28% swagger and 2% dick.

Laura:

Both. I feel like that percentage may vary by individual, but okay, I'm picking up what you're putting down.

Rachel:

nowadays, we can all see into the lives of most everyone we want to through social media. Social media has drastically changed the level of access we plebes have to musicians and performers. We can get an inside look into the lives, see what they ate for breakfast, you know, what they're doing backstage, and what goes into making the magic. We can also Even engage in two way conversations with artists online by, you know, commenting, sending them messages, tweeting at them, um, Why aren't you responding to my tweets, Ariana Grande? Hello.

Laura:

I think that's a really good point because I am, I'm not a star fucker. I think that's pretty obvious if anybody has listened to this podcast or knows me, but I do like, I get. Like a high from meeting people. Like I can think of two people that, you know, I was kind of like not obsessed with, that might be a little bit. Too much, but like, you know, I had a thing for them, two celebrities, and then once I met them, that was enough. Because I have all that access through social media, through, you know, chats online, all that kind of stuff, like, that was really, really thrilling. And then once I met them, like, that's the end of The thrill, like, I know as a middle aged woman who's not gonna bone anybody and have a sexual relationship with anybody, like, that's the end of it. I mean, maybe if I were young and hotter, I would still want more, I don't know, but I think it's a really good point that the groupie scene has probably chilled a lot.

Rachel:

because what is at the center of being a groupie is just See me, acknowledge me, notice me, and if you can get that through a famous person following your Twitter account or liking your TikTok, you know, then you're maybe less inclined to seek out the attention, the sexual attention, of famous musical acts.

Laura:

That tracks.

Rachel:

And In addition to social media, we also live in a entirely different world with what some of us would say we're Better morals. Adult men can no longer proudly have sex with preteens. Women have more of a voice and are beginning to show the cracks in the shiny world of celebrity flings. The,

Laura:

Oh. Yeah,

Rachel:

hashtag Me Too movement is about women sharing their stories of men using power differences to gain sexual favors. And I mean, how much can a drunk, coked up 15 year old really consent?

Laura:

yeah!

Rachel:

Bummer index beep beep beep beep. Yeah, we decided that you know this time around We're gonna watch that bummer index and make sure it doesn't creep up too high So we're just we're getting a little spikes here. So we better keep moving along So let's just say it's a PR minefield and a potential career killer for artists recent cases of German metal band Rammstein and Nelly from the loo our homeboy Um Our hometown hero have proven that real consequences do exist for artists who get entangled with fans.

Laura:

I don't know about those stories specifically. I do know Rammstein. I do know Nellie as well. I was also thinking that came to mind was R. Kelly, but that was kind of a different situation. Those weren't really groupies.

Rachel:

was, he groomed that girl,

Laura:

yeah, it was super fucking weird, but

Rachel:

Yeah, yeah, Rammstein, he, he solicited sex from a woman online and like, Offered to bring her backstage at a show and then like took her into a room and like tried to drug her or something and got upset when she wouldn't have sex with him. and then Nellie, it was these two girls were brought onto a tour bus and again, we're claiming that they were like. Not made but like I think expected to suck like everybody's dick on the tour bus and it was like 20 dudes or something So yeah, yeah, not ideal. So

Laura:

Don't expect access without tit for tat. Ew.

Rachel:

but there's like they're back in the day From my research groupiness was about like connecting with the guys and doing that kind of stuff But then it really kind of evolved into like oh what gross What perverted thing can we get these fans to do or these women to do for us?

Laura:

That's always the impression that I kind of got from groupies. That like, you were like this experiment and that is deeply unappealing to

Rachel:

Yes, you were almost like a joke. It was kind of like the butt of the joke. It was like you were doing these things and you got to be around them, maybe even got to sleep with them, but it was always just like you were, they were laughing at you. You weren't in on it.

Laura:

You're pathetic. You're, uh, look at you. You went so bad to be here. Like how bad can I degrade you for wanting to be here? That was, yeah, that was my, that's my impression of groupies.

Rachel:

according to the big groupies, like some of the big time groupies, They did that too, but then there was also the the hashtag cool girls who they just hung out with who were groupies like maybe sleeping with one or two members of the band at a time, you know, like exclusively sleeping with them, but they were around and they were just like chill, cool girls. So even in the groupie world, you can be not like the other girls.

Laura:

Yeah. It's kind of like, um, courtesans versus prostitutes. Do you know what I mean? Like the end result is the same, but one is more respected than the other.

Rachel:

Oh, yeah, I mean, like anything, there's layers to it, and some of these cool girl groupies say that Being a groupie is dead, according to an article I read. Uh, these were the girls who were sleeping with and then married to members of band I don't know if they're bands men who made EDM music.

Laura:

Yeah. I don't know if that's,

Rachel:

I don't know what you call that person. A button presser? Who knows. But they're saying now it's more trendy for these artists to have and be loyal to a spouse as a way of Bucking the system, um, hashtag good guy rocker, but I think it's more like the person who wrote this article was a young person in this scene, like in their twenties and was having a lot of sex and then just got older and she was like, yeah, it doesn't exist anymore because all my friends are married and settled down. It's like, girl,

Laura:

my, and my husband thinks it's cool to be loyal to me.

Rachel:

Yeah. It's just like, that's just called being in your thirties. Welcome to life. Um, while other people say that groupies still exist, but it's like in a entirely different world. Yeah. Construct of like just a super fan and regardless of how a modern groupie is defined Some people just want to feel the music inside them

Laura:

Ugh, that's graphic, I don't

Rachel:

Whoo, I grossed out Laura that doesn't often happen But you put any person on a stage and people want to fuck them, right? It's universal. That's why

Laura:

Oh god, it's so

Rachel:

girls on clubs clamber on to any elevated flat surface Attention is the first First step to attraction, check out, you know, dig in the archives and check out, Do You Think You're Better Than Me, the episode we did, because that talks a lot about how attention and attraction correlate. Anyways, so, I think I need to reframe my question, right? Not how do I become a groupie, because according to, uh, uh, wikiHow, listicle. It just involves being a super fan and getting involved in fan clubs. That's not what I'm trying to do. I want to know how to fuck a famous musician. And that is the question that I will try to answer now. And there are two ways to go about it. The first way The is the good old fashioned way, aka the hard way.

Laura:

Yeah, hard way or the highway. I don't know, did that make sense? No. Hard way, dicks. Ha ha ha, funny. Go on.

Rachel:

A plus humor. So this hard way, the dick way, is the way of yesteryear that involves some serious work. Like getting to the venue early. Like waaaaaaay early.

Laura:

I did this

Rachel:

you did? Did you show up when the crew showed up and tried to get their attention?

Laura:

I came up before the crew came up and they let us into the building thinking that we were part of the group, crew. That's how early we were. We sat there and we watched Soundcheck.

Rachel:

Yes, that's when they tell you to get there before sound check. And then you, you can interact with the people who are, you know, working on the show, get their attention, hang out where they hang out outside during smoke break, strike up a conversation. And if you're going to take the sweet Connie approach, this is the time to start sucking dicks. Right? Right? So you can. Get your way backstage.

Laura:

Or whipping out your plaster caster.

Rachel:

just be like, I'm, I'm here to yank off toenails of the rich and famous. But here's a pro tip, from me to you, or from the internet straight to your ear holes, make sure it's roadies, guys, not venue staff. The venue staff don't know anybody and you don't want to go to town and do all that effort to just be left standing outside with Eggs all over your face.

Laura:

Ahhhh. This is another one that grosses me out. You really got me this time. It's just too much um. Ugh.

Rachel:

That's what sweet Connie said. A. K. A. J. K. Never. She never said that.

Laura:

She was like, give me more, give me

Rachel:

So

Laura:

Sweet 15 year old Connie.

Rachel:

sexy. She's got her permit and she's ready to go.

Laura:

This makes me think of a Dave Chappelle sketch, where like, the R. Kelly one, where it's like, She's holding two forms of identification, and he's just pissing on her face like

Rachel:

I obviously missed all of that cultural touch point because I don't know what is happening.

Laura:

this. Listeners know.

Rachel:

They know. They're cool. They're the cool ones.

Laura:

They're cool girls, just like

Rachel:

Yes. Yeah, you guys are the ones crackin the jokes while I'm dancing for you. Dance! Monkey, dance! Research groupies and tell me about them. And I will. So, if getting there early and trying to strike up a conversation with the crew doesn't work, you know, there's always being enticing from the pit. Right? This does involve getting there early so you can get good spots right up on the barrier and then throw the performers some serious fuck me eyes. This works best in smaller venues, like, you know, a stadium tour. This might be a bit harder, but it's not impossible. And Again, use the principle of attention equals attraction in your favor. Our girl, Sable Star, would clamber on top of speakers during shows just to get her marks attention.

Laura:

feel like that's gonna get you tackled by security. Honestly,

Rachel:

That's an, yeah, that's another thing that, um, has changed since the 70s. But you could always get on somebody's shoulders if you really want to be a dick to everybody behind you. Because that is what the lead singer of the All American Rejects did say at one point. I want to see the hottest girls on this buffest guy's shoulders. And my 17 year old mind at the time thought, bro, this is St. Louis. This is not California. You're, uh,

Laura:

There are no buff guys. There are no

Rachel:

you're going to be disappointed. You're going to be. I was like, you're not, don't even try, and somebody did throw a water bottle at him and he stormed off the stage. I don't, I did not have a good impression of this performer after this. I don't listen to this music to this day because I just, he, he's a little, he's a little, twat. Okay,

Laura:

It's a little bitch. Well, also, this is a good time also to do the flashing, right? Did that, did they say yay or nay on flashing?

Rachel:

there was no mention of flashing.

Laura:

WikiHow didn't tell you about flashing. Okay, roll the dice

Rachel:

Wicky Howl! Yeah, give it, give it a whirl, right? That's a good way to get attention, is flash them the headlights, give them the high beams, if you're 15. If you're my age, it's the fog lights.

Laura:

low,

Rachel:

It's like, hey! You know, sometimes it happens accidentally when you're trying to fix your belt. You're just kind of like, oh shit, you know.

Laura:

One of them fell out

Rachel:

It's fun getting old. I recommend it. 10 out of

Laura:

You're not You're not even 30

Rachel:

am 30.

Laura:

You

Rachel:

Do you not know how old I

Laura:

fucking, okay, you just fucking turned 30 in April, like four months ago.

Rachel:

Yeah, it's four long months of my thirties.

Laura:

Oh, Jesus. Oh, God. I'm almost 40. Anyway, let's, let's bury my past. Let's keep talking about lots and lots to come, and it'll just distract

Rachel:

Yeah, I hear it's good for your skin. Okay,

Laura:

Ooh, is that the secret?

Rachel:

this is still probably your longest shot. Your best bet,

Laura:

um, shh,

Rachel:

or your fastest if we're gonna measure it, your best bet is after the show, which guess what? Involves more waiting! Stay around after. The band members may be hanging out around the merch table, so check that out. This is probably if they're less famous. You're not going to Find members of the All American Rejects hanging around the merch table or not. Even if they're not there, you might find people who work on the tour, right? So another in to backstage. And you can also meet, um, other hardcore fans and follow them where they're going because they know who to ask for. picks and set list and other memorabilia. So you, the people they're getting those things for, those are the ones you want to charm because they're the good ones that are going to know if the lead singer or the stars are looking for some strange that night. And they're the ones who can potentially recommend you to that person and like, get you back there to meet them.

Laura:

It's the sommelier of the groupie scenario. It's like, would you like a nice blonde or perhaps a brunette this

Rachel:

Yeah. Yeah. I want a corn fed. Give me somebody, a junior size 18, please.

Laura:

I can definitely recommend this hanging out by the end, by the way, the staying around late, because that was also how I met other people. People that I was again borderline obsessed with is just you hang around long enough. They have to leave that building

Rachel:

yeah, you have to find, there's a door, right? There's always a door. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna look for that door. I'm gonna Google stage door Hollywood amphitheater Casino amphitheater and then I'm gonna find it and

Laura:

it. Yep

Rachel:

then I'm gonna lurk around and I probably won't even say anything Because I really don't want to have sex with anybody. So then I'm just gonna

Laura:

No, no, no, you don't have to have sex with them. You can just get a picture and like an autograph and like hey I love you. You're so great. Give me a hug. Take a

Rachel:

I'd be like, hallo,

Laura:

That's Scandinavian

Rachel:

that's Swedish, it would be tag, tag, tag, tag. It's like I went to Stockholm for four hours once, I know about your culture, Abba. Okay, I'd just be like, money, money, money. Okay, so even if you've done all of this and you have not gotten access to your Your conquest. Do not fear because the final attempt is where you are most likely to have success and this is exactly what we were talking about with that backstage. You have to hang around to at least 30 minutes after the concert once the parking lot's empty and you are going to stay back. You are going to wait for your Heart's desire to leave and you're going to be there among the hardcore fans and you're going to Push your way to the front and meet them and make sure they know you are Available.

Laura:

Headlights. Fog lights. Check.

Rachel:

Yeah, I don't know if that quite that far but just be real flirty and cute and be like, oh my god I love you Blah, blah, blah, blah. Can I buy you a beer? I don't know.

Laura:

Oh, that's, I mean, that's, I mean, that's a classic. Come on. It's just, you know, I want to buy you a beer, a. k. a. Come joke. I don't know. I was trying to think of one,

Rachel:

we're rusty. We're getting back in the saddle. It's cool. It's cool. So that might be your opportunity to get invited to come party with them or get on the bus and roll to the next town. I feel like that's probably not going to happen, but you could give it a shot.

Laura:

Uber back home.

Rachel:

So really if you want to get down with famous artists, it takes patience. You might even have to camp out the night before to make sure you're first in line to get into the venue. Planning, you got to know the venue's rules and routes, you got to find that stage door, and just a dash of chutzpah.

Laura:

I think a little bit more than a dash.

Rachel:

Yeah, you got to really be ready to flash the high beams.

Laura:

You gotta be bold, man. You can't be the timid one sitting in the back. No, no, no. You got to elbow your way to the front. You've got to make an impression. You got to smile big. You have to laugh hard. It's a lot of chutzpah.

Rachel:

Yes, so build that up if you want to get a lot of build up of cum on you.

Laura:

Egg on your face.

Rachel:

But there also are shortcuts, as our gal plaster caster taught us. You can always reach out in advance with your gimmick, or, as one online article suggested, posing as a journalist to do an interview. Or Being a real journalist, but that takes four years of college and a career. So,

Laura:

job.

Rachel:

yeah, I mean, you can say like, Oh, I'm covering it. This is an interview for my podcast. Wait, that's the gimmick.

Laura:

Yeah. Oh, Anonymous sex audio only goes on a podcast no names.

Rachel:

And then people try to guess what artist

Laura:

Yeah, oh, I feel like that's a pretty good gimmick.

Rachel:

I like it.

Laura:

We got that. We got these high quality mics, but it's gotta be real close to pick up,

Rachel:

Oh dear god. Oh, I was gonna say

Laura:

all those mac and cheese noises.

Rachel:

Now I'm grossed out. I was gonna say I heart radio hit us up. We just crank out gold ideas 24 7

Laura:

Crank.

Rachel:

crank that idea. Okay, so I mean all of this This is truly the old fashioned way the good solid days work way God's way, if you will.

Laura:

That's how God intended it. It was in the

Rachel:

Yep. He said, on the first day, let your groupies wait outside. On the second day, let your groupies suck a roadie's dick. And then hopefully on the seventh day, somebody gets some rest because this sounds exhausting.

Laura:

Connie's going to need it.

Rachel:

Cuz I'm tired. I'm 30. I'm tired. I want to know the easy way. And it involves two things. Being hot and having an online presence. So now, that very thing that makes rock stars and artists and celebrities accessible is also the same thing that makes it easy to audition to be their bedfellow. Social media. Having an account filled with hot selfies and reaching out to an artist and slipping into their DMs is a way to get in front of them. And do your work, your magic, and say the things that people say to get other people to have sex with them. I'm not sure what those things are. I've been married for a long time.

Laura:

it. They're mysterious. I, I imagine they involve nudes,

Rachel:

Yeah, let, let the sexy selfies do the stalk. Talking, not the stalking. That's what I do. Uh, do you want to hear my best pickup line, Laura? My best line I use to get laid frequently? The baby's asleep.

Laura:

Ooh, I'm just hot,

Rachel:

know. It's, it's a great line. You're welcome. Alpha males. You can use that to pick up girls in the bar.

Laura:

Oh, I feel like that's not gonna end well.

Rachel:

it's not. So you can go to this at, you could go to these links to be hot online and then reach out to these famous artists or better yet, they find you. Not quite the targeted approach, but I did read stories of famous people when they're in cities, reaching out to hot influencers in those cities. So how do they find them? I guess based on tags and shit. So if you want to, if you want to get noticed by your favorite band, use hashtags and, and, you know, at them and stuff, but, you know, Also, be aware that some people, if they can see that, other people can see that. So sometimes people are trying to scam you by pretending to be these famous people. I did learn about that recently as well. So also don't be dumb.

Laura:

that's generally good life advice. Don't be dumb. If you at, they might be giants, and then five seconds later, they might be giants messages you back about your, you know, sex sounds podcast. Maybe be a little bit on,

Rachel:

And if they want you to send them money so that they can come be on your podcast, yes, look out for that. So that is everything that I've learned about being a groupie from the The lessons from the greats to a look at what it means to be a modern groupie and how one might do it today, but I was like, oh my gosh, should we seriously try to catfish a famous person at some point as part of an Impolite Society experiment?

Laura:

That would be a good one. I mean, obviously we wouldn't, it would be a true catfish because we could not use, at least not my real picture. I mean, it's, uh, I mean, how do you even catfish people nowadays? I feel like if you, you have to like dig deep to find, you know, pictures that people can't find easily. But then again, it's also like, people aren't going to probably look that hard if, they're just looking for

Rachel:

if you're horny enough, you're gonna believe it, right? You're gonna be like, oh, this hot person wants to have sex with me.

Laura:

Yeah, they're not gonna reverse Google image search you and try to find what account it

Rachel:

it's, it's consensual make believe. Coming soon, Impolite Society Catfish Edition.

Laura:

Okay, what, what band would you catfish if you could?

Rachel:

Definitely not the All American Rejects. Um,

Laura:

I'm not into bands. I'm into actors.

Rachel:

what actor would you catfish?

Laura:

Any of them. No. Uh, Chris Evans. Uh, Timothy Oliphant. Uh, those are the tops on my list at the moment. Timothy Oliphant's getting a little old. I'm sorry,

Rachel:

How old is he?

Laura:

you. He's like in his fifties, like almost late fifties

Rachel:

yeah, that's

Laura:

Oh, how

Rachel:

on social security age.

Laura:

Let's see. How? Ooh, 55. So not quite as high as I thought, but he's looking it. He's looking it nowadays.

Rachel:

That's a good thing for a man. That's distinguished.

Laura:

It was like five years ago. I kind of

Rachel:

Too much.

Laura:

a, there's a tip. Yeah, there's a tipping point and it varies by person.

Rachel:

yeah. You

Laura:

Mr. O. I love you. I'd still catfish you any

Rachel:

if I was thinking about bands, you know, kind of wonder what the Barenaked Ladies are up to.

Laura:

feel like that would be an easy get.

Rachel:

You gotta start small, work your way up.

Laura:

What about Smash Mouth? We can find them.

Rachel:

That's a totally different ball game.

Laura:

It's been one week that you looked at me.

Rachel:

Another postcard with chimpanzees.

Laura:

I do like the

Rachel:

Ah, yeah, they're good. Everything to everyone. Their album. I had that as a child.

Laura:

I don't. No, I'm just sailing past that one. I'm not commenting on it.

Rachel:

Okay, so that is my lesson on being a groupie. Could I do it? Maybe. Will I do it? I don't know. It involves a lot of effort. But if you do see a lot of hot selfies showing up on the Impolite Society Instagram, you'll know why. I'm catfishing, baby.

Laura:

So, side note, go ahead and follow Impolite Society on Instagram. What are we? Impolite So at Impolite Society Podcast?

Rachel:

That's, that's a good guess. I haven't been on there since the last time we quit. That's where you, that's where you go to learn about when we're quitting and when we're coming back. No, just kidding. If you want to catfish us, please find us on social media. I would love to be catfished. I need some excitement in the life, in my life. Just slip into our DMs and let me know that the baby's asleep and you know. Action is

Laura:

It gets me hot every time. Wah, wah, wah.

Rachel:

Wee wee wee! No, that kills the action every time.

Laura:

Absolutely. No.

Rachel:

Mm mm.

Laura:

All right, guys. Well, thank you so much for joining us again today. And remember, keep marching to the beat of your own drum. That was the ending, right?

Rachel:

over now.

Laura:

Stay curious. That was what

Rachel:

Andrew Lloyd Webber, I'd catfish him. It's over now, the episode about groupies!

Laura:

That's staining.

Rachel:

That's, uh, edit that out. Production team, edit it out!